angels dont give up on me today

it's frustrating to not be able to differentiate people who rly wants to be there for you & people who's there but don't rly care coz right now i feel like i'm about to blow up. not physically but emotionally. i've lost count of the nmbr of people i talked to about you. i guess when i didn't heed their advice to pack up & leave, they're alrdy saying i'm stupid bcs that's what i'd say if i were them. maybe i'm the huge problem. i've promised myself to change but it doesn't seem like i have, right? everything you do gets me mad. maybe bcs i know very well i might lose you to someone else. at times, i tell myself that if you wanna leave bcs of smeone else, go ahead. & she can keep you. but to know that i wasn't good enough to make you stay, will get me thinking why the hell did i even let my heart develop feelings for you. funny, isn't it? someone who does things that makes me mad, who gives me replies that drive...

assalamualaikum :-) went missing for months but hey i'm back yea aby's back hehe. i've got alot to share which means i have to go back to my very last post. birthday to problems to crushes to school & friends. let's start off with birthday. my birthday of course. i remembered wishing for a better birthday this year & indeed my wish came true, alhamdulillah. something unexpected happened & i swear coz of that my birthday was the best one ever. but you know, happiness don't last. not when you forget who created you & why you're on Earth. they say, you'll lose someone if your attention is more on him than on yourself plus Allah. sad to say, it happened to me. have you ever asked yourself why some people can't stay in your life when you're willing to stay in theirs after countless of shits? yea me too. i'm sorry i'm a little stubborn, well alot to be exact. but it's only bcs i don't believe that you can be happy when yo...

the holidays went perfectly well. alhamdulillah. couldnt wish for a better holiday. its all i need to put all my troubles behind. big brother's finally home & it feels great to see one big happy family in this house. cousins came over for 2 days straight & we couldnt ask for more than the smiles & laughter they've given. i wish everyday was just like this. i wish i could make my mom this happy every single day. i love to see her smile. she's god damn beautiful. i can't imagine life without her. i need to learn to be independent. she's one hell of a great woman & she's my only precious gem. i love you, mom. we baked a 'nutella rainbow cake' we baked for mom & dad's 26th anniversary. it was a belated one to be exact. i suggested to bake a cake since thats what kak waina,illah & myself wanted to do since december last year. though it wasnt what we expected it to be, the outcome was a job well done. & the next time ...

assalamualaikum. the guy up that, his name's Prem. i couldnt have made a lot of friends by the first month of ITE last year if it wasnt for him. he kept calling me A-bi & everyone else followed suit. turned out he knew that name by looking thru my facebook. he's small for his age tho. opps, sorry Prem. haha! anyways, that picture was taken on thursday, when i met them after my class. never apart. so, 2nd week of school was.......awesome. & alhamdulillah for the weather these few days. loving the rain as well as school. motivated to go to school as i've made new friends & there wasn't alot of modules i hafta repeat. it's easy & convenient. who would have thought that i could fit in with these first year boys so easily. Mr Koh is a brag at times but he's the perfect C.A. i mean every class needs a C.A like him. funny, clumsy & caring. mana nak dapat? hahaha. & he can be a bore at times too when he keeps talking & talking especi...

alhamdulillah to first week of school. bl duties went smooth & first day in class was great. haha fine, i'm lying. first day in class was hell. CA literally called me Siti upon me reaching class. my new classmates were a hilarious bunch. & i made time for my 2nd year friends so 1st week of school was great.  he's Syafiq, the other bl i had to partner with for NY1301E. he's nice, fun to be with & friendly. so it wasn't difficult to get along with him. just that he has this habit of going missing without a trace. haha. first day of school, 1E was hell. had kids skipping the activities & some others not wanting to co-operate. they were the devils in my eyes. hahaha i swear i couldn't handle them. but i cant blame them. i was like that too, last year, this month. orientations are sucha bore. we're no longer kids so please change the games & stuffs. i understood what they were going thru so i tried being their friend. well i thought to ...

the man above, he's my grandfather. the only grandfather as well as grandparent i have left. after grandma left, he never fail to show us a smile. never did he once shed a tear in front of us. you're very strong,grandfather. late grandma was a strong woman too. i miss her, so much. it's good, you know, to see grandfather laughing & having the time of his life. god knows how much he misses late grandma. we all do.  that picture was taken during kenduri arwah nenek yesterday. well, after the kenduri to be precise. he ran up to me & took a sit facing me. he giggled & then told me to smile. he was adorable :') the kenduri went well,alhamdulillah. loved it. it's been a day now since i started feeling like it's the end of my life. my dreams were crushed. i thought i could make things change this year but i never did. or should i throw, "serve you right" into my face? i deserve it. i had a year to make things right but never did i mak...

he's my bestfriend. this was our very first photo taken together beginning of last year. we didn't start off pretty well. there's things i dislike about him. but after a year, he's been there for me through my ups & downs. not to forget Syahril & Safwan too. easy said, the guys in my class were all there for me but these are the few that were really there for me & are able to make my days better. though some things has changed, my classmates will always be the best. without them, i won't even make it through Year 1. maybe Zainal did play his part a little but whatever. when i heard we will all be in different classes this year, i kinda got upset. my classmates are amazing. unfortunately, i won't be able to see them a lot this year so i'm depending on faith to keep us all together. the memories are too much to forget.  so my new year wasn't that bad actually. i had little angels wimme to play bumble bee with. no, it isn't that b...