Grand-dad
the man above, he's my grandfather. the only grandfather as well as grandparent i have left. after grandma left, he never fail to show us a smile. never did he once shed a tear in front of us. you're very strong,grandfather. late grandma was a strong woman too. i miss her, so much. it's good, you know, to see grandfather laughing & having the time of his life. god knows how much he misses late grandma. we all do.
that picture was taken during kenduri arwah nenek yesterday. well, after the kenduri to be precise. he ran up to me & took a sit facing me. he giggled & then told me to smile. he was adorable :') the kenduri went well,alhamdulillah. loved it.
it's been a day now since i started feeling like it's the end of my life. my dreams were crushed. i thought i could make things change this year but i never did. or should i throw, "serve you right" into my face? i deserve it. i had a year to make things right but never did i make an effort to. i wanted someone to blame for all my miseries but when i looked back, i was the one who asked for it. i neglected everything. i took every piece of advice given for granted. & now i'm officially shutting everyone out. nobody else has to know bout what's going on with me. i'm gonna do this on my own. well, i've always been doing things on my own.
things are gonna be good for me. but when you're on the verge of giving everything up, all you wanna do is to cry. or maybe die. i wanna go somewhere far. to move away from all these sadness. 2012 was shitty & full of regrets. but still, life has to go on. so i decided not to commit suicide. yes, i actually thought of it. well, it's normal for teenagers like me to say those things but not mean it. i mean, i still have my family. & i have promised mom to make her proud. i will do that, some day. i hope. right now, i'm hardly breathing, i wanna die & i might just do something silly. nah, just kidding. i'm fine. i'm alright. i'm good. x