angels dont give up on me today

i'm sorry for what i said to you. yes, you hurt me time & again. but my feelings won't change. nothing will. i won't change you. promise. please don't leave. you're the only person that matters now. i know i'm difficult. i'm sorry. i'm really sorry. & if you really wanna go, go ahead. if you don't want me, i don't want you too. but if you think  we can work it out, please try to stay. bcs if you leave, i'll cry. i'll be unhappy all over again. you're mean, you're clueless, you're ignorant, still i want you so bad. you'll never understand, but i hope one day you do. that you're the first guy ever, i let myself run back to.

rough day yesterday. everything wasn't in place. can't rly figure out what i'm feeling right now. at the same time i put pressure on my colleagues & i'm sorry. didn't sleep well last night. was up for a few hours thinking how to settle certain matters without putting pressure on them. being in the position i am right now clearly made me realized what Ameere & Zhengyi went through when they had me as their very own promoter. for the very first time i feel like crying myself out bcs i'm thinking too much.. i thought by going away for awhile, these things would be off my mind but it's following me everywhere i go. can't help it. i want everything to be perfect. so perfection i will find.  i miss you, grandma. everything you used to say keeps playing in my head. i won't forget a single word. i admire how strong of a person you were when you were going through tough times. i wanna be just like you. you taught mummy well. thank you Allah for giv...

it's frustrating to not be able to differentiate people who rly wants to be there for you & people who's there but don't rly care coz right now i feel like i'm about to blow up. not physically but emotionally. i've lost count of the nmbr of people i talked to about you. i guess when i didn't heed their advice to pack up & leave, they're alrdy saying i'm stupid bcs that's what i'd say if i were them. maybe i'm the huge problem. i've promised myself to change but it doesn't seem like i have, right? everything you do gets me mad. maybe bcs i know very well i might lose you to someone else. at times, i tell myself that if you wanna leave bcs of smeone else, go ahead. & she can keep you. but to know that i wasn't good enough to make you stay, will get me thinking why the hell did i even let my heart develop feelings for you. funny, isn't it? someone who does things that makes me mad, who gives me replies that drive...

assalamualaikum :-) went missing for months but hey i'm back yea aby's back hehe. i've got alot to share which means i have to go back to my very last post. birthday to problems to crushes to school & friends. let's start off with birthday. my birthday of course. i remembered wishing for a better birthday this year & indeed my wish came true, alhamdulillah. something unexpected happened & i swear coz of that my birthday was the best one ever. but you know, happiness don't last. not when you forget who created you & why you're on Earth. they say, you'll lose someone if your attention is more on him than on yourself plus Allah. sad to say, it happened to me. have you ever asked yourself why some people can't stay in your life when you're willing to stay in theirs after countless of shits? yea me too. i'm sorry i'm a little stubborn, well alot to be exact. but it's only bcs i don't believe that you can be happy when yo...

the holidays went perfectly well. alhamdulillah. couldnt wish for a better holiday. its all i need to put all my troubles behind. big brother's finally home & it feels great to see one big happy family in this house. cousins came over for 2 days straight & we couldnt ask for more than the smiles & laughter they've given. i wish everyday was just like this. i wish i could make my mom this happy every single day. i love to see her smile. she's god damn beautiful. i can't imagine life without her. i need to learn to be independent. she's one hell of a great woman & she's my only precious gem. i love you, mom. we baked a 'nutella rainbow cake' we baked for mom & dad's 26th anniversary. it was a belated one to be exact. i suggested to bake a cake since thats what kak waina,illah & myself wanted to do since december last year. though it wasnt what we expected it to be, the outcome was a job well done. & the next time ...

assalamualaikum. the guy up that, his name's Prem. i couldnt have made a lot of friends by the first month of ITE last year if it wasnt for him. he kept calling me A-bi & everyone else followed suit. turned out he knew that name by looking thru my facebook. he's small for his age tho. opps, sorry Prem. haha! anyways, that picture was taken on thursday, when i met them after my class. never apart. so, 2nd week of school was.......awesome. & alhamdulillah for the weather these few days. loving the rain as well as school. motivated to go to school as i've made new friends & there wasn't alot of modules i hafta repeat. it's easy & convenient. who would have thought that i could fit in with these first year boys so easily. Mr Koh is a brag at times but he's the perfect C.A. i mean every class needs a C.A like him. funny, clumsy & caring. mana nak dapat? hahaha. & he can be a bore at times too when he keeps talking & talking especi...