Lost

rough day yesterday. everything wasn't in place. can't rly figure out what i'm feeling right now. at the same time i put pressure on my colleagues & i'm sorry. didn't sleep well last night. was up for a few hours thinking how to settle certain matters without putting pressure on them. being in the position i am right now clearly made me realized what Ameere & Zhengyi went through when they had me as their very own promoter. for the very first time i feel like crying myself out bcs i'm thinking too much.. i thought by going away for awhile, these things would be off my mind but it's following me everywhere i go. can't help it. i want everything to be perfect. so perfection i will find. 

i miss you, grandma. everything you used to say keeps playing in my head. i won't forget a single word. i admire how strong of a person you were when you were going through tough times. i wanna be just like you. you taught mummy well. thank you Allah for giving me such amazing women like grandma & mummy. but grandma didn't have to leave. she could have stayed longer, right? :-( sigh.

once everything's settled here, i wish to go back & find myself. after everything that has been happening since last year, i'm still the same person i was the last time i said it's time to change.. i don't know how many more people i have to lose so that i can finally realize i've been too far away from what i'm supposed to do.