angels dont give up on me today

Its been so long. Everything has been really hard. I'm not saying it was easy all along but at least mummy won't scream at my face like she did a while ago. I don't understand anything around here anymore. It's like i'm living in a house that is full of people i do not know. Everyone haven't been themselves lately. Is it my fault now? I admit i haven't been home for quite sometime but now that i have, why do i feel like i don't belong? Or is it just me? Nothing i do seems to be right. I'm being screamed at, blamed at for no fucking reason. You want me to get a job, i already have one. You wanted me to stop schooling, i've quit. You've been planning out my life the whole freaking time, what else do you want from me now? Do you even care about what i want? Do you know that i go to sleep crying because i can't do anything right around here? I know what i'm doing right now isn't what i promised you the other time. But i'm trying ...

Yeah, it's all alright. I guess it's all alright. I got nothing left inside of my chest but it's all alright. Yeah, it's all alright. I guess it's all alright. I got nothing left inside of my chest but it's all alright. Well, I got the call soon as the day hit night, As soon as the headlights lit up the Westside. I stopped the car and came outside Cause I know that tone. I remember the first time we wished upon parallel lines. Waiting for a friend to call and say they're still alive. I've given everyone I know a good reason to go. I was surprised you stuck around long enough to figure out... That it's all alright. I guess it's all alright. I got nothing left inside of my chest but it's all alright. Yeah, it's all alright. I guess it's all alright. I got nothing left inside of my chest but it's all alright. And now all my loves that come back to haunt me, And my r...

Everything is crashing down.  That's it, i'm done trying to fix things.  Leaving everything to Allah.

Who the hell told you that you need someone to survive? Now look where it's bringing you. No-fucking-where. It was all good by myself until i met him & started to develop feelings for him. None of it was real, i told myself. But if it wasn't then why is it so fucking hard to let him go? No matter how many times i tell myself i'm done, i will still find myself running right back to the start. I don't know if any of these is gonna be worth it. Maybe it's a waste of feelings but i love to have you around. I need you to be around. The attention i needed from you, i'm getting it from all the other guys. What surprises me is that i can't seem to fall for any of them. They can be real angels but it is still not working. I need you more than anything now. If it's not you then i don't want anyone else. Stuck on you, big time. Mum has been stressing out a lot. I totally understand that bcs she hasn't been having enough rest due to problems after p...

i fucked everything up yesterday. i wanted to tell you i miss you but my ego got the best of me. i was tired, i was mad, i was self-centered. you're treating me like an option.  one minute you want me there & another minute you don't.  well, at-least that's how i see it. it's what i think, see or say that matters. even if it's wrong, only my words matter. i'm sorry.  i don't wanna lose you but if being without you makes everything better, i'll settle for that. it's exhausting to always wait for your texts. even when we're talking, you don't seem like you're interested in anything i'm about to tell you.  forgive me for my cold replies. i only wanted you to feel what i was feeling when you gave the same damn replies. but it doesn't seem to bother you. not at all. what the hell do you want from me? you're loving the chase, don't you?  if it was easy, i would have let you go by now but it's not so i hope you r...

he didn't have to do much. he literally made my entire night when he said he missed me. it doesn't matter if he's saying it just to make me talk to him bcs as far as i'm concern, that's exactly what i wanted to hear. it definitely made me feel like i was wanted by someone, especially when that someone is him. he had no clue that i was trying really hard to give him cold replies for the past few nights. it didn't make me feel better, it made me felt worthless instead. i shouldn't have replied to any of his texts. i've told myself that the reason i was continuously hurting was bcs i kept letting him in time & again. then i thought that if i take everything slow & steady, my feelings would eventually fade. but the more i give him the cold replies, the more he comes back. like he didn't get any of my signals. pushing him away got really difficult bcs i started to get more attach than ever. i want to push him away but i don't want him to leav...

11th September 2013, Home Club. Dearest Team Secret :-) x