A mess

Its been so long. Everything has been really hard. I'm not saying it was easy all along but at least mummy won't scream at my face like she did a while ago. I don't understand anything around here anymore. It's like i'm living in a house that is full of people i do not know. Everyone haven't been themselves lately. Is it my fault now? I admit i haven't been home for quite sometime but now that i have, why do i feel like i don't belong? Or is it just me? Nothing i do seems to be right. I'm being screamed at, blamed at for no fucking reason. You want me to get a job, i already have one. You wanted me to stop schooling, i've quit. You've been planning out my life the whole freaking time, what else do you want from me now? Do you even care about what i want? Do you know that i go to sleep crying because i can't do anything right around here? I know what i'm doing right now isn't what i promised you the other time. But i'm trying okay? I'm trying real hard to leave my past. Nothing seems to work. I'm not giving up either. Please just understand that i need a break from everything. I'm getting really tired and things have been really out of hand. 

Mummy has been asking about you a lot. Well, i miss you. Not as much as i used to, though. It's true, i'm better off without you. I don't care if this time round it's my fault. I'm gonna make sure i don't run back to you. I'm done trying to make things work while you keep letting everything pass by like it didn't matter. You haven't been trying from the start, i don't think you wanted to. You were loving the chase, don't you? Well, find someone else to do that for me. I'll fucking makesure you regret losing me. I promise.

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