Stressing out
Who the hell told you that you need someone to survive? Now look where it's bringing you. No-fucking-where. It was all good by myself until i met him & started to develop feelings for him. None of it was real, i told myself. But if it wasn't then why is it so fucking hard to let him go? No matter how many times i tell myself i'm done, i will still find myself running right back to the start. I don't know if any of these is gonna be worth it. Maybe it's a waste of feelings but i love to have you around. I need you to be around. The attention i needed from you, i'm getting it from all the other guys. What surprises me is that i can't seem to fall for any of them. They can be real angels but it is still not working. I need you more than anything now. If it's not you then i don't want anyone else. Stuck on you, big time.
Mum has been stressing out a lot. I totally understand that bcs she hasn't been having enough rest due to problems after problems. She might seem like she's okay but i know deep down she isn't. She has been talking about getting a job lately. I'm against that, 100%. I don't want her to go out & work. She doesn't have to make money for us. That is Daddy's job. She can't even have enough rest while she's at home what more if she were to go out & work? This isn't right. I'm not letting her step outside the house anymore. Haha. Sigh. I'm sucha disappointment. She has been worrying too much about me. Why do i always have to be the reason why everyone's worried or unhappy? :-( Mum was afraid that big brother won't get a permanent job too. She said he has to get married & yet he still haven't found any job to start saving. My brother on the other hand didn't even think about marriage at the moment. Mum doesn't get that we don't like doing things that we have no interest in. She thinks that everyone has to be just like her bcs she does things she absolutely has no interest in. She's an amazing person. I can't believe she has a daughter just like me. I don't even follow any of her steps, not even a bit. It's kinda depressing to know that i'm beyond useless in this family. I have dreams. I've set goals. But i expect things to happen without putting in effort. Why am i even on Earth, may i ask again?