angels dont give up on me today

Second cup of coffee by now. Don't really drink coffee two at a go but tonight I guess, it's different. I'm not even sure what I'm angry about. Maybe it's just how I've been living my life lately. I cannot continue living life this way. First of all, the people around me will definitely get hurt if I keep this up & I never want anyone to get hurt because of me. I keep telling people I'll think about it. Think about what exactly? I don't think I can ever fix myself. When people tell me that I'm getting bad again, I kept denying it. Because I swore I would never go back to that kind of life. But who am I kidding? Or has it already been written that I will forever be this person I am today? If so, I don't wanna be around anymore. I'm so sick of being okay for a few months & getting bad all over again. & what frustrates me most was when I tried so hard to be better & no one sees it but just when I start tumbling down, I have peo...

I don't remember ever posting anything about my best-friend. Whether she's gonna read this or not, it's all up to her. I don't usually tell her I've updated my blog or anything. I don't plan to. Because most of the things that are posted here are the things she has already been told beforehand. Like this one. But this is gonna make her puke. She cannot handle sweet things. She's just a very mean person by nature.  By blood, she's my cousin. By Satan, she's my best-friend. Thing is, this wasn't planned at all. We got close when I started telling her things I didn't tell anyone. Then on, I told myself that's it. I'm screwed. I found myself finding her each time anything bad happens. Good things too. It's either her or no one at all. It's the assurance feeling I get that made me turn to her about anything. She tells me off when I'm wrong. She apologizes when she's wrong. Our ego are very much the same. But when we ...

Mom has started donning the hijab. It warms my heart to see her pinning them up & re-doing it over & again just to make sure it covers well & look nice on her. I found myself smiling like a little girl receiving cotton candy just by looking at her donning it. Nothing has ever made me feel so happy. When I first started wearing the hijab, I felt out of place because whenever I'm out with my family I was the only one who was wearing it. There were a few times I asked mom if she's ever gonna wear it because I don't think it looks good when the daughter's wearing it but the mom's not. Then I realized I shouldn't be forcing people to wear the hijab. They should want to wear it willingly. So I stopped asking & alhamdulillah, my prayers has been answered. syukran. I love you, Mom.

Seeing you with her hurts. I literally broke down when I saw you holding her hand. At first, I thought it was her. I thought she was the reason why I broke down. Kept asking myself what does she have that I don't. But little did I know that it was actually you because tonight, I broke down yet again. I saw you, in a picture with a friend of mine. I blame myself. I was fine. Well, at least that's what I thought. The problem is, I just found out tonight that I'm still not over you. Seeing your name or your picture hurts. Seeing you in person hurts twice as bad. I really hope nothing like that happens again. I don't wish to see your name, your picture, your posts, your tweets, your anything. I don't want to see you anywhere. Not even in person. I'm really glad that you're happy now. I swear to God. But for me to get over you completely, I need you to be invisible for a few months. Or even years. I don't care how long it takes. I just really really hope that...