Sad & Bad Again

Second cup of coffee by now. Don't really drink coffee two at a go but tonight I guess, it's different.

 I'm not even sure what I'm angry about. Maybe it's just how I've been living my life lately. I cannot continue living life this way. First of all, the people around me will definitely get hurt if I keep this up & I never want anyone to get hurt because of me. I keep telling people I'll think about it. Think about what exactly? I don't think I can ever fix myself. When people tell me that I'm getting bad again, I kept denying it. Because I swore I would never go back to that kind of life. But who am I kidding? Or has it already been written that I will forever be this person I am today? If so, I don't wanna be around anymore. I'm so sick of being okay for a few months & getting bad all over again. & what frustrates me most was when I tried so hard to be better & no one sees it but just when I start tumbling down, I have people telling me I'm not trying hard enough. Well F you. I'm so sick of you people. I'm not ungrateful. I'm just done. Done with your bullshits.

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