angels dont give up on me today

You know how some people say things without knowing that what they say can actually hurt someone's feelings? Someone used to do that a lot to my parents. Now she's gone & I feel terrible. I avoided her & now that she's gone I can no longer visit her or even apologize for doing what I did. But maybe if she was nicer, things wouldn't have ended up that way. Or maybe it was my fault. The thing that's making me regret so much was when she said we would never visit her on Hari Raya. Yeap, we didn't. We could have but we didn't. I wanted to blame someone for that but I can only think of myself to blame. I'm starting to realize that I do take people for granted. I never appreciate things people do for me & it never crossed my mind they would go without saying goodbye. When will I ever learn? 

Sammy was run over by a cab 2 hours ago & is injured badly right now. I'm just afraid that he won't be able to survive because the last one couldn't. This time round, alhamdulillah, it is still able to look me in the eye & gave me the assurance that he can still make it. Sammy's a really strong cat. It did made me wanna cry seeing him not being able to walk properly. He even rested his head on my legs because he was so weak & he just needed the rest. This isn't the time for you to leave me, Sammy. You did it again. You walked away. Like the last time. I'm very disappointed in you. These cats mean the world to me. I don't like what you're doing to them. What the hell is wrong with you?

Can't count on you most of all when I really need it It's the simple things that you do really hurt my feelings The more I try, the more I'm starting to see it This can't work anymore, than you believe it Goodbye may come as a shock Even though I love you a lot I've given every breath I've got Sometimes you gotta break down and breathe Add how many times I gave my heart To how many times we fell apart And it equals A promise in the dark So don't promise me Add how many times I gave you me Divided by so many memories And it equals A promise in the dark So don't promise me Listen... I just don't know what the problem is, what the deal is Was I there too much, did I move too fast, I couldn't see it? All these promises are probably how you deal with it I'm tired of hearing you say your innocent Don't think I forgot Because I really didn't, who cares if you're lying or not I've given every breath I've got Sometimes you gotta br...

"Andai dia bukan milikku di dunia, Tuhan temukan aku dengan insan yang seperti dia Kenangan kita terlalu indah Tuhan tabahkan hatiku untuk melepaskannya Bila nanti aku harus pergi Usah engkau tangisi, usah engkau merindu Aku berjanji engkau akan temui Insan yang jauh lebih baik dariku Kini aku pergi, jauh membawa cinta Yang nyata sudah tiada"

I swear I was doing okay without you. Yes, at times, you do cross my mind. But that's about it. I don't try to talk to you & I don't even stalk you anymore. I'd be lying if I were to say that I don't miss you because I do. So bad that it hurts. The past few months has been fine. There were times I died a little inside at the mention of your name or just the thought of you. Other than that, I was just fine on my own. And you, doing what you do best, just keep appearing asking me how I was doing & things like that. If I could, I would tell you that I was miserable for months. I pushed everyone aside for you. Every guy was compared to you. & no matter how badly you've hurt me, I would still choose you over anyone else. Don't you get it? I will take you back no matter what. So in order for me not to do that, you have got to stop being nice to me. You have no idea how excited I get whenever you text me randomly. Or how I smile at your texts. Are you c...

Ashton died yesterday. He was in so much pain. I couldn't do anything to help. I just.....cried. Buried him with my two bare hands. Love you, Darling. I'm so sorry. 

You both are the ones making it all difficult. I don't understand why you're behaving like a child. Stop running away from problems or people. If you think that things can be settled that way, then you're dead wrong. I've had enough of all these bullshits. If the next time I were to do what you guys just did, do not blame me for giving you guys bullshits. I got it all from you. Things can never be simple around here. They wanna be heard but they are not willing to listen to anyone. Is that even fair? One thing I'm sure of, I'm done listening to anyone. If what I'm doing is wrong then I wanna be wrong. It's called disrespect once I stopped listening to them but for now, I don't really care. They had the cheek to blame it all on me & then tell me that I'm wrong when both of them have no clue at all that they're just the same. Fact is, I don't wanna be like them. I'm better at forgiving & I'm definitely better at understand...

It is, I admit, very difficult to deal with heartbreaks. It's either you love them too much or not at all. There's no in between. But if you can start realizing that some of them isn't love, maybe you can save yourself from all those heartbreaks. It's normal to develop feelings for someone who makes you feel important & yes 100 others can be the reasons for the butterflies in your stomach but you should really move slow. I don't really fancy falling in & out of relationship. It makes me feel like anyone can have me & no, not just anyone can. Also, it's not that easy for me to have feelings for just anyone. Most of the time they're just infatuations with some people. & it is pretty normal for me to develop an infatuation with adorable looking guys. I bet a lot of us are like that too. I can talk to tons of guys but I choose not to. Either I get easily bored of someone or I'm just not interested to talk. Most of the time, I just don't...

I don't understand why we have to do what we're doing. You were the one who said we should forgive & forget. Now you tell me if we're doing that.. I understood what you meant when you said you couldn't accept what she did but I've moved on & it doesn't bother me at all because I know I do not do things like that. I won't do anything to disappoint you, Mom. You should atleast be proud of that instead of holding grudges against someone who's family to all of us. I have so many things I wanna tell you about them but you're too busy hating on them that you don't realize they're wanting to meet you & talk to you. If you can't forgive them atleast pretend like you already did. Please... It's frustrating when people put you in such a difficult position. You have to tolerate all the nonsense in between & pretend like everything's okay at the end of the day. I wasn't really planning to cut all ties with them. I mean, ...

Everything changed within a year. One minute you're smiling wide & another minute you just don't. & I don't think I can ever get that smile back from you. It's heartbreaking to know that happiness just won't last. I mean why do people not take promises seriously? Am I the only one that thinks promises are a big deal? What reasons are there for you to move away from people who are important in your life? Even though I don't agree  with you moving away from me, I'm still gonna say it's fine because you're old enough to make your own decisions but to even think that you're willing to leave your loved ones behind omg I just can't. I am so mad at you right now. You used to go away & you brought us here just to reunite. & now you're gonna move away again!!! :-(

You don't just tell someone you're gonna be fine. You can never be fine. You can't just start over. It can never happen. You can never forget those guys you gave everything to & they ended up ditching you for someone else who looks so much better than you. You can never forget those friends that you trusted with all your heart & they ended up doing shits behind you. You can never forget your best-friend that you thought would be there through it all but ended up changing because you couldn't be half as fun as the new best-friend she met. You can't forget whatever you've been through no matter how hard you try. You can't just wake up the next morning not thinking about everything that's bringing you down. Let's face it, ten years down the road, you're still gonna be reminded of the fact that people leave you because you were you. They hated the real you. They told you to be yourself & when you did, they left. So now tell me how being m...

I fucked things up, I know. Just please, forgive me. I took every single thing for granted. Had no idea you'd leave me. I can't make it on my own. You came around when i had no one. You were there when i was at the top, you were there when I fell to the bottom. I don't wanna lose someone who accepts me for who I am. You did so much for me I don't think "thank you" would be enough. You understood what I was going through, you made me tell you things I told nobody. You sacrificed your time just to make sure I didn't do things alone. You did things without leaving me out of it. I'm sorry I didn't believe you that night. I'm sorry I tell you off. I'm sorry I put my ego above all the good times we've had. I miss you so much. I miss just texting you whenever I want to. I miss you trying every way you can to make me smile. I should have seen your efforts instead of telling you you're wrong. I don't want to be afraid to apologize. ...