angels dont give up on me today

I don't remember ever posting anything about my best-friend. Whether she's gonna read this or not, it's all up to her. I don't usually tell her I've updated my blog or anything. I don't plan to. Because most of the things that are posted here are the things she has already been told beforehand. Like this one. But this is gonna make her puke. She cannot handle sweet things. She's just a very mean person by nature.  By blood, she's my cousin. By Satan, she's my best-friend. Thing is, this wasn't planned at all. We got close when I started telling her things I didn't tell anyone. Then on, I told myself that's it. I'm screwed. I found myself finding her each time anything bad happens. Good things too. It's either her or no one at all. It's the assurance feeling I get that made me turn to her about anything. She tells me off when I'm wrong. She apologizes when she's wrong. Our ego are very much the same. But when we ...

Mom has started donning the hijab. It warms my heart to see her pinning them up & re-doing it over & again just to make sure it covers well & look nice on her. I found myself smiling like a little girl receiving cotton candy just by looking at her donning it. Nothing has ever made me feel so happy. When I first started wearing the hijab, I felt out of place because whenever I'm out with my family I was the only one who was wearing it. There were a few times I asked mom if she's ever gonna wear it because I don't think it looks good when the daughter's wearing it but the mom's not. Then I realized I shouldn't be forcing people to wear the hijab. They should want to wear it willingly. So I stopped asking & alhamdulillah, my prayers has been answered. syukran. I love you, Mom.

Seeing you with her hurts. I literally broke down when I saw you holding her hand. At first, I thought it was her. I thought she was the reason why I broke down. Kept asking myself what does she have that I don't. But little did I know that it was actually you because tonight, I broke down yet again. I saw you, in a picture with a friend of mine. I blame myself. I was fine. Well, at least that's what I thought. The problem is, I just found out tonight that I'm still not over you. Seeing your name or your picture hurts. Seeing you in person hurts twice as bad. I really hope nothing like that happens again. I don't wish to see your name, your picture, your posts, your tweets, your anything. I don't want to see you anywhere. Not even in person. I'm really glad that you're happy now. I swear to God. But for me to get over you completely, I need you to be invisible for a few months. Or even years. I don't care how long it takes. I just really really hope that...

You know how some people say things without knowing that what they say can actually hurt someone's feelings? Someone used to do that a lot to my parents. Now she's gone & I feel terrible. I avoided her & now that she's gone I can no longer visit her or even apologize for doing what I did. But maybe if she was nicer, things wouldn't have ended up that way. Or maybe it was my fault. The thing that's making me regret so much was when she said we would never visit her on Hari Raya. Yeap, we didn't. We could have but we didn't. I wanted to blame someone for that but I can only think of myself to blame. I'm starting to realize that I do take people for granted. I never appreciate things people do for me & it never crossed my mind they would go without saying goodbye. When will I ever learn? 

Sammy was run over by a cab 2 hours ago & is injured badly right now. I'm just afraid that he won't be able to survive because the last one couldn't. This time round, alhamdulillah, it is still able to look me in the eye & gave me the assurance that he can still make it. Sammy's a really strong cat. It did made me wanna cry seeing him not being able to walk properly. He even rested his head on my legs because he was so weak & he just needed the rest. This isn't the time for you to leave me, Sammy. You did it again. You walked away. Like the last time. I'm very disappointed in you. These cats mean the world to me. I don't like what you're doing to them. What the hell is wrong with you?

Can't count on you most of all when I really need it It's the simple things that you do really hurt my feelings The more I try, the more I'm starting to see it This can't work anymore, than you believe it Goodbye may come as a shock Even though I love you a lot I've given every breath I've got Sometimes you gotta break down and breathe Add how many times I gave my heart To how many times we fell apart And it equals A promise in the dark So don't promise me Add how many times I gave you me Divided by so many memories And it equals A promise in the dark So don't promise me Listen... I just don't know what the problem is, what the deal is Was I there too much, did I move too fast, I couldn't see it? All these promises are probably how you deal with it I'm tired of hearing you say your innocent Don't think I forgot Because I really didn't, who cares if you're lying or not I've given every breath I've got Sometimes you gotta br...

"Andai dia bukan milikku di dunia, Tuhan temukan aku dengan insan yang seperti dia Kenangan kita terlalu indah Tuhan tabahkan hatiku untuk melepaskannya Bila nanti aku harus pergi Usah engkau tangisi, usah engkau merindu Aku berjanji engkau akan temui Insan yang jauh lebih baik dariku Kini aku pergi, jauh membawa cinta Yang nyata sudah tiada"