2019

Weird, isn't it? How we both thought that I've been well. I am, to be honest. Maybe for a little while. I have always believed that when someone's really happy, sadness will come. Believe it or not, it has happened to me more than once and you may say it's just me but hey, it's not you who's going through it now, are you? Grateful. That's what I am. I have a beautiful family, a loving boyfriend, a fun working place(with a bit of stress) and good friends(just a small crowd). Even so, I still feel empty. Like something's missing. What am I here for? What have I accomplished so far? I've been living my life day by day just waking up, going to work, coming back home and go to sleep. It has become a routine that it makes me feel so tired and bored. Mostly tired to be very honest. I want to be able to enjoy what I'm doing. I want to have a meaning to my life. I want to save the world(sounds huge). I want to make everyone's life better. But how do I do that? I am so afraid of changes. I am afraid to move forward. I am afraid of failing in anything. I am afraid that my parents will leave without seeing me at least close to being successful. How do I make them happy? How do I make them worry-free? Can I? Will I ever? It's depressing knowing that I might just leave this world just being.... me. I know this life is not forever. I know there are some things I need to do that I have yet to put any attention to. But my heart is so empty. Like I'm going on with my days because I have to. Can we now agree that I was placed here for no good reason? Even if there is, or are, what have I been missing? When will I realize that this life has already meant something for me? I want to feel something. I really do...

Popular posts from this blog

Ashton

Ashton died yesterday. He was in so much pain. I couldn't do anything to help. I just.....cried. Buried him with my two bare hands. Love you, Darling. I'm so sorry. 
Read more

2017

It's funny how I'm still searching for answers on why you left & married her instead. It's like as much as I tell myself that I'm happy as long as you are, I can't seem to move on from the fact that you promised me the world but left anyway. Was I not worthy of marriage? Or was chasing my dreams too much for you? I don't think I'm ever going to forget how you ended things. How you still linger around when you made the decision to give up first. How you had the cheek to ask me why I asked the questions I did when you were already settling for her. Cruel. I never saw you as that person as I never thought you could be one. Sad, isn't it? To have someone you thought could finally mean what he says only to turn around & prove you wrong. I just wish you could have shown that side of you much earlier when I was still deciding on whether to let you in or not. Worst thing was how you knew what he did to me before you but you still had to hurt me like t...
Read more

Mahirah

You know how God sends everyone a human angel to make things better & to heal us emotionally? Kak Mahirah. I strongly believe that she was sent specifically to us to help us get through difficult times. Her presence has been nothing but a blessing. Syukur Alhamdulillah.
Read more