Mom

I was trying to catch up on some sleep the other night when tears started rolling down my face. My mind was busy making up scenarios of Mom not being able to be there for me. I've always had this fear of Mom not being able to see me in my wedding gown. Or my kids not having a grandmother to run to. I can't even process the idea of not having her by my side anymore. I know it'd be too late to regret once it happens because I have been taking her for granted all these while but every day I keep trying so hard to learn something from her. To have something to remember. To have something to keep. But she's way too perfect for me. I can't even be just like her. Sure, she's really good at getting on my nerves but I'm starting to believe that's what she's here for. She has to make me mad for me to be reminded what it will be like when I no longer have the only person who constantly tries to find my fault. She has to ignore me for me to realize that cold shoulders are so much better than not having her physically here. I really can't see my life without her. What if one day when it really happens and I can't even move on with my life? What will become of me? Will I continue to lead my life the opposite way of what she has always wanted or will I be strong enough to get back on my feet and try to lead my life just like hers? What if I can't let go? What if it'd be so damn hard to let her go? What if........