Done

Have you ever wondered how things would turn out if you didn't do certain things? Like falling for a certain someone? Because I saw it coming. I knew what he was capable of doing but I pushed all that aside to give him another chance. Just as I thought, once again, we couldn't make it work. And this is definitely the last straw. Maybe the problem lies in me. Like I'm always giving out chances to people who least deserves it. I shouldn't have. I wasn't supposed to. But I did. And this time, it's no longer a mistake. It's a freaking choice. But it still hurts. Big time. I gave my all in hopes that he would too. He sounded very convincing. Every girl would love to hear everything he had to say. And because it was only assurance that I needed, I believed him. Just like that. Wanna blame him so bad for making me feel like shit once again but I'm also to blame for letting him in. I guess after all these years, I finally realized that it's never gonna be him. It can never be. He has hurt me more than anyone ever could for he has hurt me so much. And that's sad. Like I couldn't love myself enough to walk away from people like him. I forced myself to see the good in him & forget about the bad and look what happened? Maybe starting from now, once I see something coming, I should back the hell off. To avoid all these shits from happening time and again. And then I have people telling me that I need to stop pushing people away. Just when I start to heed their advice, I have to face all these. Like you know, you tell yourself that maybe this time it's gonna be different. It's gonna be worth it. You keep telling yourself that, each time he messes up, because there wouldn't be any rainbow without some rain. You spend a lot of time looking at the bright side because the grass is always greener on the other side. Although you know that it's not that pretty after-all. And it's exhausting to be the only one who has to make sure you don't play the blaming game. Despite everything you've been through, you are not allowed to point out his mistakes because he said he would change. I believed him. I honestly thought he would change. Between us, he did change. In the worst way possible. He's no longer the same person I used to know. Like a monster took him over. "You couldn't possibly be with someone like that!" You might say. But it was love over everything else. I knew him since I was 15. I loved him through the good and the bad. Happy or sad. Even after all that, he left. I was being replaced in a blink of an eye. But just think about it. I did all that for someone who didn't deserve me. Imagine the things I'd be willing to do for someone who does?